Valentine's Day

My thoughts on Valentine's Day?  Love it!  Just absolutely love it.  I don't need a bid to enjoy V Day.  It's honestly a day to go hard on the wheels.  I sent carnations to four separate ladies.  V Day is all about spreading the love where ever you can.  If you are dating a chick, your  day will be that much better.  I agree that V Day is a marketing ploy.  I agree that we should "love our sweetheart everyday of the year," but V Day isn't just another day.  I view it as another anniversary.  Why do couples do something special on their anniversary?  Because it's a day that is focused on their relationship.  If we ignore V Day because we should love our partner everyday, then we should say f*ck it to anniversaries.  Also, just because I do something special for a girl on V Day, doesn't mean I don't love her every other day.  V Day is just an excuse to pamper your darling, and honestly, if you truly care about them, it shouldn't be a bother.

Flash Forward

I'm going to be a fugitive.  I will have several warrants out for my arrest.  This sounds bad, right?  Well you see, I'm innocent.  I was framed by Timmy T. Wilford.  He actually killed Lady Henford, not I.  I was just an unassuming postal worker trying to deliver a package.  You see, Lady Henford was the sweetest lady on my route.  She always brought a smile to my face.  But little did I know, she was about to involve me in a massive scheme that would eventually lead to me hiding out in the basement of a store selling toilets.  Shitty, I know.
Mr. Wilford sent her a package with a bomb in it, that I delivered.  He said it was from her husband, Gerald G. Gilford.  I believed him.  Turns out she never married, and Mr. Gilford never existed.  That left me as the prime suspect.  So I ran.  Far away.  I now live in the basement of a store selling toilets.

That's where I'll be in twenty years.

In ten years I'll still be running for co prez...