This movie is awesome. It's very funny, but I would not say it's comedic though. In exception of Rick Mercer's cameo, of course. I wouldn't say it's comedic because a lot of the humor was just the way things conspired. Also, there were no like "one-liners" or jokes or anything of the sort. Just talented actors with good timing. It's also a bonus that Patrick Huard looks like a greek god... with short hair. He's also bilingual so we have a broader choice of vacation spots.
Thursday, 19 April 2012
Wednesday, 11 April 2012
Water in my Hair, The Ode to the Water Wheel (Parody of Livin on a Prayer)
Woah, woah. W-w-w-woah, woah...etc
You've been spinning a lot, now you're broken down, you're down on your luck, it's tough. Mmm... So tough!
The water runs past you all day, workin' for the man, it doesn't give you the looove. Mmm.. Your love!
Water wheel just hold on, don't you rot. It doesn't make a difference if there's flooding or not.
We've got each other and that's a lot for love. Now give me a shot!
Woooooah, water in the air! WoooooOAH, water in my hair!
Grab that towel, it's on the chair. WOOOOAH! Water in my hair!
Woah, woah. W-w-w-woah, woah...etc
Someone said you smell like a dock, but you're holdin' in, cause you used to turn water so well. Mmm... So well.
I heard you want to run away, that's a bad idea, and quite impossible I'D SAY. Mmm... I'd say.
Water wheel just hold on, don't you rot. It doesn't make a difference if there's flooding or not.
We've got each other and that's a lot for love. NOW GIVE ME A SHOT!
Woooooah, water in the air! WoooooOAH, water in my hair!
Grab that towel, it's on the chair. WOOOOAH! Water in my hair!
Help I see a bear!
(Guitar Solo)
Oh, you gotta hold on, in cold and in hot. Your my favourite landmark, YOU'RE ALL THAT I GOT!!!
Woooooah, water in the air! WoooooOAH, water in my hair!
Grab that towel, it's on the chair. WOOOOAH! Water in my hair!
Woooooah, water in the air! WoooooOAH, water in my hair!
Grab that towel, it's on the chair. WOOOOAH! Water in my hair!
(FADE OUT)
You've been spinning a lot, now you're broken down, you're down on your luck, it's tough. Mmm... So tough!
The water runs past you all day, workin' for the man, it doesn't give you the looove. Mmm.. Your love!
Water wheel just hold on, don't you rot. It doesn't make a difference if there's flooding or not.
We've got each other and that's a lot for love. Now give me a shot!
Woooooah, water in the air! WoooooOAH, water in my hair!
Grab that towel, it's on the chair. WOOOOAH! Water in my hair!
Woah, woah. W-w-w-woah, woah...etc
Someone said you smell like a dock, but you're holdin' in, cause you used to turn water so well. Mmm... So well.
I heard you want to run away, that's a bad idea, and quite impossible I'D SAY. Mmm... I'd say.
Water wheel just hold on, don't you rot. It doesn't make a difference if there's flooding or not.
We've got each other and that's a lot for love. NOW GIVE ME A SHOT!
Woooooah, water in the air! WoooooOAH, water in my hair!
Grab that towel, it's on the chair. WOOOOAH! Water in my hair!
Help I see a bear!
(Guitar Solo)
Oh, you gotta hold on, in cold and in hot. Your my favourite landmark, YOU'RE ALL THAT I GOT!!!
Woooooah, water in the air! WoooooOAH, water in my hair!
Grab that towel, it's on the chair. WOOOOAH! Water in my hair!
Woooooah, water in the air! WoooooOAH, water in my hair!
Grab that towel, it's on the chair. WOOOOAH! Water in my hair!
(FADE OUT)
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
How To Get Women
Are you a loser? Are you sick of spending your Saturday nights in your bedroom alone with a sock on the door? Do you want a little female essense in your life? Then this article is for you. I am an expert in getting women. I will give you tips on how to find your perfect partner.
1) Overdress for EVERYTHING! This will show the ladies you aren't afraid to look classy. Bow ties are notoriously erotic. Ironically, the bigger the better.
2) Chill outside all male bars. This will give passer-byers the impression that you have a lot of friends and are "one of the guys." If that's not a turn on I don't know what is.
3) Always be honest. If she's looking a little chunky, let her know ahead of time. Women don't like it when you keep the secrets from them. If she's wearing to much make up, tell her she looks like a whore. This may sound rude, but she'll appreciate it as long as you don't beat around the bush.
4) Help her make healthy eating decisions. If she orders a soda, make sure it's diet. If she gets mad, tell her you fell in love with the skinny girl. Broads will always take a positive message out of the word "love." I once told a girl I did not love her anymore and she thought I proposed to her.
5) Always give girls notice of your intentions. If all you want is a one night stand, tell her. She will know not to fall for you.
6) Ladies love traditional gender roles. This means telling your girl what to cook and what to clean, but not helping at all. This will make you look like a softy. You're the male, act like it. When she's preparing meals and doing chores, you need to be in your recliner with a paper in your hand. Also, take note of what's making news. You'll need this information to complain to her at dinner. Popular choices are anything to do with you losing money.
These are only a few strategies. These should help you to at least tap a couple biddies. Good Luck.
1) Overdress for EVERYTHING! This will show the ladies you aren't afraid to look classy. Bow ties are notoriously erotic. Ironically, the bigger the better.
2) Chill outside all male bars. This will give passer-byers the impression that you have a lot of friends and are "one of the guys." If that's not a turn on I don't know what is.
3) Always be honest. If she's looking a little chunky, let her know ahead of time. Women don't like it when you keep the secrets from them. If she's wearing to much make up, tell her she looks like a whore. This may sound rude, but she'll appreciate it as long as you don't beat around the bush.
4) Help her make healthy eating decisions. If she orders a soda, make sure it's diet. If she gets mad, tell her you fell in love with the skinny girl. Broads will always take a positive message out of the word "love." I once told a girl I did not love her anymore and she thought I proposed to her.
5) Always give girls notice of your intentions. If all you want is a one night stand, tell her. She will know not to fall for you.
6) Ladies love traditional gender roles. This means telling your girl what to cook and what to clean, but not helping at all. This will make you look like a softy. You're the male, act like it. When she's preparing meals and doing chores, you need to be in your recliner with a paper in your hand. Also, take note of what's making news. You'll need this information to complain to her at dinner. Popular choices are anything to do with you losing money.
These are only a few strategies. These should help you to at least tap a couple biddies. Good Luck.
Thursday, 16 February 2012
Valentine's Day
My thoughts on Valentine's Day? Love it! Just absolutely love it. I don't need a bid to enjoy V Day. It's honestly a day to go hard on the wheels. I sent carnations to four separate ladies. V Day is all about spreading the love where ever you can. If you are dating a chick, your day will be that much better. I agree that V Day is a marketing ploy. I agree that we should "love our sweetheart everyday of the year," but V Day isn't just another day. I view it as another anniversary. Why do couples do something special on their anniversary? Because it's a day that is focused on their relationship. If we ignore V Day because we should love our partner everyday, then we should say f*ck it to anniversaries. Also, just because I do something special for a girl on V Day, doesn't mean I don't love her every other day. V Day is just an excuse to pamper your darling, and honestly, if you truly care about them, it shouldn't be a bother.
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
Flash Forward
I'm going to be a fugitive. I will have several warrants out for my arrest. This sounds bad, right? Well you see, I'm innocent. I was framed by Timmy T. Wilford. He actually killed Lady Henford, not I. I was just an unassuming postal worker trying to deliver a package. You see, Lady Henford was the sweetest lady on my route. She always brought a smile to my face. But little did I know, she was about to involve me in a massive scheme that would eventually lead to me hiding out in the basement of a store selling toilets. Shitty, I know.
Mr. Wilford sent her a package with a bomb in it, that I delivered. He said it was from her husband, Gerald G. Gilford. I believed him. Turns out she never married, and Mr. Gilford never existed. That left me as the prime suspect. So I ran. Far away. I now live in the basement of a store selling toilets.
That's where I'll be in twenty years.
In ten years I'll still be running for co prez...
Mr. Wilford sent her a package with a bomb in it, that I delivered. He said it was from her husband, Gerald G. Gilford. I believed him. Turns out she never married, and Mr. Gilford never existed. That left me as the prime suspect. So I ran. Far away. I now live in the basement of a store selling toilets.
That's where I'll be in twenty years.
In ten years I'll still be running for co prez...
Monday, 16 January 2012
My Song
If I had to pick a song to represent me, it would definitely be "Pushing Band Candy" by Rob Paravonian. It's a song that talks about taking something small and making it something big, all in hopes of helping a friend in need. I am James and I think Miss Feick is the grooviest person on earth!
If you go to public school, one thing you know is true
There’s never funding for any of the fun things you want to do
Like band, every year the district says they’re going to axe it
But band, that’s the only class I don’t get my ass kicked
But the fact is we’re broke, we’re always trying to raise funds
With drives and promotions that just never catch on
We tried selling Gummi Bears but that was way too fruity
And our car wash blew without any cheerleader booty
But when the band asked me to try to sell candy bars
I said that can’t be hard, everybody likes sugar
And word got around on the grounds I was holding
People learned my name and for once I was golden
‘Cause when you got what they want you’re no longer a joke
And it turns I out I sell candy better than Scarface sells coke
And where I once was an unwelcome wimp
Thanks to band candy I walk the halls like a pimp
Pushing Band Candy, I am the man, G
All my classmates have dollar bills to hand me 2X
Selling candy in schools is against the code of conduct
But drop me some Washingtons I’ll slip you some product
‘Cause I’m clandestine, I’m destined for the best
I sold 20 bars while acing a history test
I’ll sell to you in gym class, meet me under the bleachers
I’ll sell you seconds while you eat yours, I’ll even sell to teachers
I’ll sneak into their lounge and hide their nicotine patches
While they’re fiending and scratching I’ll sell candy in batches
You can’t match this, you wanna go toe to toe?
I’ll sell enough to buy my own homecoming float
And I’ll roll in the parade to my drumline beat
While the whole town throws down dollar bills at my feet
You can’t compete with me, and I don’t mean to boast
But I hide like a ghost and I sell by the gross
So now most of you know I’m the candy pimp king
When I get done they’ll name the school after me.
Chorus
Bass. And maybe a little tuba
This year’s band camp’s gonna be in Aruba
First year selling candy I made six figures
I bought all new uniforms for all my bandmates
I was the man who met my bands needs
I’d roll into rehearsal and make it rain reeds
And when we went to regionals I didn’t rent us a bus
I had 10 stretch limos lined up for us
But the others got frustrated with our success
And the money got us hated by all the rest
Of the groups in the school whose funding was week
They wanted us to be meek you know like good little geeks
So they tried to conspire to take me out of contention
They set me up to get me sent down to detention
But you can’t hurt my sales by putting me in lockup
I got 20 freshmen out running my product
And you can’t stop me ’cause you can’t stop the demand
So I’ll keep ruling my band with my invisible hand
Chorus
Pretty soon selling candy was my only care
I never went to rehearsal and I lost my chair
in the band, I was banned from the band but my candy
Was still on my hands I had grandiose plans
So I just kept on dealing and the feeling was dope
The school told me to quit but I just couldn’t cope
Security came after me and said this is the end
I threw my up my case and said “Say hello to my little friend!”
It was only a trumpet but no one LOLed
And thanks to my little joke my funny ass got expelled
I hit the streets and I got work pushing pills
What other job would I fill with my new set of skills
I sold so much junk that my trunk was all cash
I made much more bank than my bosses could stash
And they asked how a geek like me could be the Man
I said I learned this selling candy in band
If you go to public school, one thing you know is true
There’s never funding for any of the fun things you want to do
Like band, every year the district says they’re going to axe it
But band, that’s the only class I don’t get my ass kicked
But the fact is we’re broke, we’re always trying to raise funds
With drives and promotions that just never catch on
We tried selling Gummi Bears but that was way too fruity
And our car wash blew without any cheerleader booty
But when the band asked me to try to sell candy bars
I said that can’t be hard, everybody likes sugar
And word got around on the grounds I was holding
People learned my name and for once I was golden
‘Cause when you got what they want you’re no longer a joke
And it turns I out I sell candy better than Scarface sells coke
And where I once was an unwelcome wimp
Thanks to band candy I walk the halls like a pimp
Pushing Band Candy, I am the man, G
All my classmates have dollar bills to hand me 2X
Selling candy in schools is against the code of conduct
But drop me some Washingtons I’ll slip you some product
‘Cause I’m clandestine, I’m destined for the best
I sold 20 bars while acing a history test
I’ll sell to you in gym class, meet me under the bleachers
I’ll sell you seconds while you eat yours, I’ll even sell to teachers
I’ll sneak into their lounge and hide their nicotine patches
While they’re fiending and scratching I’ll sell candy in batches
You can’t match this, you wanna go toe to toe?
I’ll sell enough to buy my own homecoming float
And I’ll roll in the parade to my drumline beat
While the whole town throws down dollar bills at my feet
You can’t compete with me, and I don’t mean to boast
But I hide like a ghost and I sell by the gross
So now most of you know I’m the candy pimp king
When I get done they’ll name the school after me.
Chorus
Bass. And maybe a little tuba
This year’s band camp’s gonna be in Aruba
First year selling candy I made six figures
I bought all new uniforms for all my bandmates
I was the man who met my bands needs
I’d roll into rehearsal and make it rain reeds
And when we went to regionals I didn’t rent us a bus
I had 10 stretch limos lined up for us
But the others got frustrated with our success
And the money got us hated by all the rest
Of the groups in the school whose funding was week
They wanted us to be meek you know like good little geeks
So they tried to conspire to take me out of contention
They set me up to get me sent down to detention
But you can’t hurt my sales by putting me in lockup
I got 20 freshmen out running my product
And you can’t stop me ’cause you can’t stop the demand
So I’ll keep ruling my band with my invisible hand
Chorus
Pretty soon selling candy was my only care
I never went to rehearsal and I lost my chair
in the band, I was banned from the band but my candy
Was still on my hands I had grandiose plans
So I just kept on dealing and the feeling was dope
The school told me to quit but I just couldn’t cope
Security came after me and said this is the end
I threw my up my case and said “Say hello to my little friend!”
It was only a trumpet but no one LOLed
And thanks to my little joke my funny ass got expelled
I hit the streets and I got work pushing pills
What other job would I fill with my new set of skills
I sold so much junk that my trunk was all cash
I made much more bank than my bosses could stash
And they asked how a geek like me could be the Man
I said I learned this selling candy in band
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